


Door to Nowhere

by jesterlady



Category: Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: Angst, Confessions, F/M, One Shot, Romance, What-If
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-05
Updated: 2012-08-05
Packaged: 2017-11-11 11:39:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/478156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesterlady/pseuds/jesterlady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Logan had told Veronica about Madison?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Door to Nowhere

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own VM or the title. Some lines are from the show.

Veronica lay with her back to Logan as his arm wrapped around her waist.

“You know, if I were a hooker this snuggle would cost you.”

”I'd gladly pay.”

”Really?”

”For this? Cash money.” 

Veronica twisted around to face him. 

“But seriously, folks...have you?”

”What? Ever been with a hooker?” 

She nodded.

“Why does it matter?”

”I just want to know. I assume the answer is yes. Look at it as an  
opportunity for me to show you how cool I can be. ‘Hooker? Who cares?’ ”

“Well, here's your chance to be cool. Stop asking.” 

Veronica swallowed, feeling slightly hurt.

“I just want to get to a place with you where we can be really...intimate.” 

She felt almost desperate to prove she could be with him after he’d broken up with her before.

“That's what the female praying mantis says before she bites the male's head off.”

“I'm just saying buried secrets tend to surface when I'm around.” 

He reached out to briefly touch her face.

“Maybe that's because of all the digging, huh?”

“I'm giving you the chance right now to come clean. You tell all. I tell all. Go from there.” 

***

Logan realized the futility of getting out of this conversation. He dreaded its conclusion, but knew she was worth it.

“Hmm, fine. This is a door to nowhere, Veronica. Intimacy wasn’t made to be built like this. But ask away. Ask anything you want.”

“Have you ever been with a hooker?”

“No.”

He smiled at her reaction. She’d obviously been convinced he had.

“You want to ask me anything?”

”Have you ever been with a hooker?”

”No. Were you with anyone while we were broken up?” 

Logan instantly pulled away.

”Land mine.” Veronica looked like she was holding her breath and this must have been what she’d actually wanted to know. “I was with this horrible girl who meant less than nothing to me and I couldn't regret it more.” Veronica turned over and stared at the ceiling. “Thinking of it makes me ill.” He fixed his own gaze at a point on the ceiling and wished she hadn’t made him say that. “So, there. Presto. Intimacy.” 

A long moment passed. Logan wished he could say something. Finally, he asked,

“Still love me?” 

A slow smile spread across Veronica's face.

“Yes.” 

Logan could hardly believe his ears, especially because he knew there was more to that information. He gave a sigh of relief and reached for her. They kissed deeply and Logan knew they could easily have made love and forgotten the matter - but he also knew she would never accept the actual story if she heard it from any other source. It was probably going to end their renewed relationship but it really was his only chance.

“There’s more,” he said reluctantly. 

***

“See, why do you always have to have more?” 

Her senses foreboded bad news. Probably even worse than when he’d confessed to giving Duncan the GHB.

“You won’t like who I was with. But just listen to me before you leave.” Veronica sat up and leaned against the headboard. This was going to kill her if it was so bad she would leave him over it. “I was in Aspen over winter break. It’s no excuse, but I was having a hard time dealing with our breakup. Dick and I went to a party and started to do shots. I got pretty wasted. We met up with a bunch of people from high school. I don’t really remember what happened after that, but the next morning I woke up beside Madison.”

Veronica’s world crashed around her. She scooted away from him so they were no longer touching and covered up as much of herself as possible. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” 

Her voice sounded completely foreign to her.

“We were broken up, Veronica. It wasn't information that you had a right to know. I knew you wouldn't be able to deal with the Madison thing and I didn’t know you were going to come back to me. Why hurt you unnecessarily?”

"Well, I am hurt.” She got up and started to gather her clothes. “I am so genuinely sick right now. If I stay here any longer I'll be throwing up all over your floor.” 

“I wasn't trying to hurt you.” Logan got up and reached out a placating hand. 

She jerked away from him.

“Oh, really? Imagine if you tried.” 

She went into the bathroom and slammed the door. 

***

He could hear her dressing and swallowing sobs and his last hope of her understanding died. He pulled on pants and sank down to the floor, trying to keep his own tears from coming. She came out and left without looking at him. He followed her to the door. 

“What do you want me to do? What can I do?” 

She turned slightly to face him with one hand still on the door.

“Make it not true.” She was practically begging him but they both knew he couldn’t make it happen. “Thanks for being honest,” she said softly, but with a hard edge to her voice, and then left. 

Logan folded his arms against his stomach as if it would help shield him from the wounds her departure had raked through his soul.

***

Veronica had never been so conflicted in her life. She’d literally cried herself to sleep every night, something she’d never thought possible.

Logan had never slept so little. He’d doze off from severe exhaustion, but every time he closed his eyes he'd see Veronica recoiling from him in disgust.

Veronica wasn’t made to dwell. Her fake breakup with Duncan had been exactly that, fake. Therefore, this breakup she played no breakup songs and didn’t stay buried in her room without showering. It didn’t stop the pain.

Logan wasn’t made to deal with rejection. He barely made it to class and practically never talked or made ribald remarks. He'd stopped shaving.

Everywhere Veronica looked she saw signs of Logan. All the other people in her life were reminders that he wasn’t there. She seriously considered just quitting Hearst and leaving Neptune.

Logan was haunted by the memory of Veronica. Her scent and her clothes and her pictures were everywhere in his hotel room. He spent way too much time trying to recapture memories.

It lasted for a week before Veronica couldn’t take it anymore.

***

Logan went to class because Dick told him the teacher would fail him. It didn’t actually matter, but he was starting to be slightly annoyed that his world seemed to revolve around one tiny blonde girl. It made him feel like he was taking some semblance of his life back. 

When he came home Veronica was sitting on his bed.

Had he started hallucinating? Probably. He dropped his bag and sat down on the floor, looking at her.

She stared back at him and didn’t say anything. Definitely a hallucination then. He needed medical attention.

“So, you were honest with me.” 

She spoke. He’d missed her voice.

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” 

A tear ran down her cheek, probably, hopefully, initiated by the brokenness in his voice.

“It’s what I wanted. But I’m starting to think I shouldn’t get the things I want. You were right. It was a door to nowhere, trying to force intimacy. We had it already.”

“We’ve definitely been through enough.”

“We have. And that means more than any drunken, one night stand you had with her.”

“She means nothing,” he said quickly. 

“It was one night right? You didn’t hook up for a week or anything? Exchange school rings?”

“One night and I can’t even remember it.” 

She nodded in recognition of the information and studied her hands for a long time. He watched her, studying the emotions that played across her face.

“That’s why she came over, wasn’t it? She wanted to have at it again.”

“I would imagine. But if she does it again I’ll slam the door in her face.”

“Try to make sure it catches her nose,” Veronica asked quietly.

“I will.”

“I want you to be honest with me,” she said after another pause. “I want you to tell me anything and know I won’t just leave. I already know I can do that with you. But I want you to feel the assurance I feel that I’m loved unconditionally.”

“That would be nice,” he said slowly. “What does that mean, though?”

“It means I want to give us another try. Even if I didn’t, I know in a few months or so we’d be back together. I can’t seem to quit you.”

“I’ve been lost since the Camelot,” he whispered. 

Veronica got off the bed and sat down beside him.

“I will trust you, Logan. If you say you have a good reason for not telling me something, I’ll do my best not to dig. If I succumb to temptation, I’ll do my best to be understanding about what I find out.”

“I really can’t ask for more than that.”

“I still do think I’m right. You know that.”

“You wouldn’t be you otherwise.”

“Couldn’t have that,” she agreed. “Just…please don’t leave me again thinking I don’t love you. I do and I’m sorry I’m not good at giving or compromise or understanding the human component of failure. I promise I’ll try.” 

Tears started to fall and she reached up to wipe them away. He beat her to it and grasped her chin gently.

“You blow me away, Miss Mars. That was the grandest concession you’ve ever made.”

“It’s a work in progress.”

“I am so sorry,” he said as meaningfully as possible. “I’m so sorry and I would take it back if I could. I would make it not true.”

“You just did,” she assured him, and their lips met. 

She responded with such passion he was overwhelmed. How he’d missed this. He broke away and put his forehead against hers.

“I couldn’t take it if you left again.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” she promised. 

He stood up, still holding her close and led her to the bed. He sat down on it and pulled her close to him, trying to hold as much of her as he could. She clung to him and they sat that way, without speaking, for a long time.

“This is intimacy, Veronica.”

“I know.”


End file.
